


Flower in the Snow

by foam_memory



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abortion, Accidental Knotting, Alpha Dean, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Claiming, Dean Winchester in Denial, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Lifelong Claiming, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mildly Dubious Consent, Omega Sam, Pining Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-15
Updated: 2018-01-28
Packaged: 2018-12-23 10:01:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11987511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foam_memory/pseuds/foam_memory
Summary: It was Dean’s fault.Although at first, his intention was completely innocent. Yet, it’s him that dragged his brother out of their motel room in that late evening. Everything was straight down to hell after that. Sam unexpectedly turned out to be an Omega, and he was in heat.It was all Dean’s fault. He was the one to blame for ruining everything. And He couldn’t feel guiltier than he already did for his actions had caused. Maybe a bullet to the head would be the best choice to make up for his sins. He wished he could die that winter. He couldn’t bear it anymore.However, Sam had other stories to tell.





	1. Dean（1）

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much to my dearest beta @Sanshal You are the best!  
> All the mistakes are all on me of course.
> 
> This work is an experiment, and it's pretty long. I don’t know how far I can go, but I will do my best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So......this's the original sin. I hope I deliever the message correct.  
> Hope you enjoy :)!

If Dean dared to recall that memory, he would say it all happened in winter. At that time, snow on both sides of road hadn’t melted entirely, reflecting the moon light. It stood out in the dark night, glittering and shining.

Dean turned the wheel forcefully and pulled over, sticking his head out of window and gasping rapidly. God, he couldn’t make it….There was no way he could make it.

 _Fuck_. Dean closed his eyes and shook his head repeatedly in order to stay sober. The moan from backseat didn’t help at all. Dean knew his pant was too tight because of arousal, but what else could he do? He was trying his best.

The cold air did helped a little bit, but Dean couldn’t risk opening the window too much. Sam’s smell was so enticing, spreading it would cause more trouble Dean than could imagine, so he closed the window almost immediately. Jesus, that smell! It was like the most delicious dessert in the world, tempting everyone to open and taste. The fragrance almost drove Dean crazy, reminding him that there was a ripe, delicious, unmated Omega in his car eager for his knot. But no, hell no.

He wouldn’t let anyone near his brother, even himself.

“Hold on, Sammy, we’re almost there.” He turned back, watching as Sam quivered and panted. The sight made him throat tight with desire and he forced himself to turn away. Dean stuttered, “I….I’ll be right back.”

He stumbled out and slammed the door loudly, growling in frustration. He didn’t know what to do. He wanted to tell his instinct stop, but his body never listened to him. He had to repress his aggressive instincts; otherwise their whole life would be turned upside down. Dean knew all of this, but why had anybody never told him one method, _fucking one method_ , to make his body stop responding to an Omega’s heat-scent? He didn’t want this…Christ, he didn’t want any of this!

If they were in any other situations, things wouldn’t be this bad. Sam’s had heat completely caught Dean off guard. With an Alpha father and a Beta mother, they all predicted Sam would become an Alpha, at least a Beta. So of course they had never prepared any of Omega’s suppressants or toys or whatever in the car. Besides, Sam and Dean were stuck in the middle of nowhere, which meant that there was no way they could find a pharmacy in this place.

And that?

_That was all Dean’s fault._

John had left on a case and gave Dean an entire dig-the-grave-and-burn-bones job yesterday. Dean didn’t like it, since there was almost no danger and all Dean needed to do was dig, dig, and dig some more, which he found extremely boring. But a job was a job, and it had to be done. Dean didn’t feel thrilled at the prospect before he caught a glimpse of Sam.

Sam wasn’t supposed to be with him to do this….like, at all. He was just sixteen and all he should be doing was writing his homework back at motel, alone and happy. But at that moment, Dean didn’t know why, it suddenly occurred to him that he could bring Sam with him. They could do this job together and Dean would be much happier. So ten minutes later, regardless of all of the Sam’s complaints and objections, Dean dragged Sam out of the motel and they were officially on a hunting trip.

Things were good, really good. They chatted, teased and laughed with each other, just like other brothers. When they reached the cemetery, Dean started doing his job and let Sam stand on guard. Things went through pretty smoothly, until the ghost showed up and Sam got jumped. He was thrown to a tombstone and crashed to the ground. Before anything could happen, Dean burned that bitch’s bones and it disappeared screaming. Yeah, typical Winchester night, Dean never thought too much of it.

Until he came to check if Sam was alright….and everything went straight down to hell.

At first, Dean was confused. He could see Sam struggling and writhing on the ground with a red face and Dean didn’t know what happened. Did that spirit do anything? Why was he acting like this? Dean was really worried and then, suddenly the sweet scent hit him.

_Oh shit._

So there they were, facing a horrible dilemma in the Impala. As an Alpha, Dean’s body was deeply attracted by Sam and wanted to do lots of things which basically would count as porn, and Dean’s reaction in turn influenced Sam. However, Dean had to do something to save his brother, which meant that he had to drive them both back to town for drugs. And therein lay his fucking dilemma.

How could Dean make it? Although it wasn’t like hundreds of miles away, it was a hell of distance which could potentially make Dean explode. Being in a closed car, with an unmated Omega who was in heat, for about half an hour and all he could do was nothing but drive? It would become Dean’s nightmare for the rest of his life.

But how could he possibly watch Sam suffer and not to get a suppressant for him? And what was worse, he could not even leave Sam alone to go get the drugs first because, who knew what was out there? An unmated Omega in heat would drive every Alpha crazy. If they scented Sam and gathered around……..oh God, that would spell doom for both of them.

So, yeah, Dean didn’t know what to do.

Dean walked back and forth outside the Impala, trying to find a feasible method to get them both out of there. But with a dizzy head and a throbbing downside, Dean came up with nothing. Usually it was Sam’s job to do the whole ‘thinking thing’ but he was unavailable now. Dean sighed deeply and rubbed his temple. There must be some way, there must be…come on, think!

A noise suddenly came from the car, which startled Dean. He instantly opened the door to check Sam, and the same sweet smell hit him. Jesus, what a tempting smell he had. He should bend this Omega over the car and split his……oh no, no, stop it.

“What happened?” Dean swallowed, watching Sam with a cautious look. He looked around the car, “Where did that sound come from?”

“Nothing, just……”Sam’s voice was so soft Dean could barely hear it. He gasped, curling himself in backseat, “I’m fine, Dean. I’m alright. Nothing to worry about.”

They both knew Sam was far from alright.

Dean had no idea what could he do. He spun around aimlessly, wanting to clarify his thought. “What should I do?” Dean asked in a desperate tone, “What should I do to make you feel better?”

Sam moaned at Dean’s words and hugged himself even tighter. The whole scene made Dean heartbroken just like it turned him on.

Dean knew Sam didn’t have answer. How could he? All his life, Sam was preparing to become a strong Alpha, just like his father and brother. Omega was never an option. Dean bit his lip hard, starting to close the door.

“Don’t.” Sam blurted. Dean stopped abruptly with a surprised look, which quickly turned to worried.

“Sam, it’s dangerous……”

“I can’t.” Sam stammered. His face was deeply blushing and he's breathless, “I can’t…..the smell is so….I couldn’t……”

Dean watched him with a sad eye. It was too painful to watch his brother suffering when he couldn’t do anything to help him. Finally, Dean nodded, “Okay.” Dean left both doors at back open, relieving the strong sweet scent in the car, “Okay.” Dean repeated tiredly.

And this long night just got started.

 

***

 

He was wasting time, he knew, but the voice in his head told him not to keep on driving, like it didn’t trust Dean’s self-control. And most pathetically, Dean agreed with it. Twenty minutes had passed with Dean just standing outside the car silently with a stiff body, deliberately trying not to see the tender body in his car.

Dean leaned against the back door of the car, and decided to sit on the ground after few minutes. The snow was freezing cold and Dean was thankful for that, as his mind was started to blur because the scent of an Omega. This situation was totally embarrassing. Dean felt aroused and at the same time ashamed, bowing his head and one hand scrubbing hair absently.

He closed his eyes and breathed loudly, listening to the sound of Sam repressing his moan. They both tried their best to fight their instinct, and at the moment, it almost seemed to worked.

_Almost._

Dean’s eyes darted open as he smelt an Alpha with a fairly aggressive smell approach, which made Dean instantly jump to his feet. He wiped his face quickly and gathered his gun, focusing on the potential intruder. He could hear Sam’s breath quicken as he certainly scented it too. Dean couldn’t resist glaring Sam, too afraid his brother would do something stupid.

The Alpha was right in front of them few seconds later, still breathless because of the running.

“Oh man.” The Alpha seemed surprised, raising his eyebrow as he saw Dean, “you are quick. I thought I’m the fastest.” His tone was so relaxed like there was nothing happening.

“Back off.” Dean barked while he slammed both doors shut, aiming the gun at the Alpha, “I won’t say it twice.”

“Oh…..” Alpha raised both his hands in the air, making Dean a little comfortable, “so you are not a sharing type, aren’t you?”

“None of your business. Just turn and go, or there will be consequences.” Dean warned with a stern look, the Alpha narrowing his eyes because of his words.

“Please, no need for that.” The Alpha licked his lips, eyeing the gun in Dean’s hand, “you know. We surely could share the Omega? As long as we don’t claim him, or her, whatever, there is no……”

“I said, FUCK, OFF!” Dean’s patience was running out. With an unmated Omega in his car who happened to be his brother, his instinct as an Alpha and a brother both shouted in his head. Dean pulled the trigger, the bullet grazing other man’s shoulder intentionally, just for warning.

“Hey, you asshole!” the strange Alpha roared, finally putting off his mask of gentleness, “you need me to teach the rules, huh? The Omega fucking owes me this! I ran about half an hour just for this! I won’t go home with nothing. Get out of my way!”

“Or you can just stay there forever, with my bullet in your head.” Dean deadpanned, his voice low and threatening.

The Alpha’s attack came from nowhere, suddenly hitting Dean with a blow. Compared with the dilemma he faced, this fight was the easiest thing ever. Just few moments later, the man was laid on the ground-unconscious-while Dean was barely hurt anywhere. The Alpha side of Dean was fully awakened though. Dean gazed at the man on the floor for a long time, trying to slow down his breath.

Without any hesitation, Dean stepped into the car and started the engine, slamming the pedal forcefully.

The smell in the car was worse. Not saying Sam’s smell was unpleasant, but the opposite, it was too pleasant which made Dean’s mouth water. After the fight, the Alpha in Dean wanted Sam more, just like a champion wanted his priceless prize. But Dean buried all of his dirty thought in his mind, focusing on the road. He must be quick, really quick, before anything else could happen.

However, Dean froze when he heard the wet sounds coming from backseat. He could hear Sam’s low murmur and soft cursing, hearing him shift his clothes and position. The image automatically jumped into Dean’s mind. How Sam played with himself when he and the other Alpha was fighting outside. How Sam tried his best not to make noises but couldn’t. How his brother blushed and slid his hand into his pants with shame. Perhaps there would be tears in the Omega’s eyes. Perhaps he would beg, beg for his……

He couldn’t help looking back even when his mind was screaming at him not to.

Dean widened his eyes. Sam’s shirt was mostly torn down, and his pants had already pushed down a little bit. Sam was breathless and was using his every energy trying not to moan. He swallowed again and again, rubbing himself on the leather seat in order to find comfort.

“Hmmmm…..”Sam noticed him and avoided the eye contact, facing down. His face was blushing, “No, don’t…..don’t look at me…..”Sam whispered.

Dean suddenly came to reality. He slammed the braking and pulled over, quickly coming out the car after that. _No,no,no,no………_.Dean covered his face with both hands, pressing the impulsion to scream.

Dean ran away.

 

***

 

He almost couldn’t find his balance. Dean ran like a potential thief who wanted to take away the most precious thing in the world, like a criminal who blamed for his crazy mind and inappropriate fantasy. He rushed into the woods besides the road and kept running until he had to stop, otherwise Sam would be in danger because of his absence.

Leaning on a tree, he opened his fly with clumsy movements. Just few seconds later, white liquids were spurt, disappearing in the thick white snow. Dean closed his eyes sharply with a low moan as his body finally found a little release.

 _Come on_. Dean told himself. You can do this. _That’s your damn brother._

He thought really hard and finally seemed to convince himself. With this belief, he returned. When Dean opened the door, he took a deep long breath and finally stepped in.

The brothers stayed silent for another 50 miles before Sam said something. Dean once again began to feel dumb and dizzy, but he tried to listen what Sam was talking. “How far we still need….?” His words drifted away but Dean already knew what he was thinking. Hell, if Sam couldn’t bear it, this whole heat thing must be really terrible for an Omega, as Sam was the toughest kid Dean ever knew.

“Not far, just another five minutes.”Dean answered, totally a lie. But what else he could do？

Ten minutes later Sam began to struggle, and Dean had to pull over the third time trying to rest. Perhaps he could make it in this way, jerking himself outside until they arrived at the town. Not a totally ridiculous idea, right? As long as Sam was safe…….

A too hot hand grabbed his arm when Dean wanted to step out of the car, and Dean’s body was immediately fully aroused. Dean stopped and looked back. Sam’s pupil was fully dilated and dark, like a dying fish trying to find water that kept him alive. Dean’s throat was suddenly so tense he couldn’t breathe.

No. he wanted to say, but he couldn’t find his voice. Dean just gazed at his brother, waiting for his next move. However, Sam’s hand slid down after few seconds, like he changed his mind. If Dean could admit to himself, he felt disappointed when the warmth disappeared.

But this was the right thing. Sam was doing the right thing. They all had this instinct, these frigging Alpha and Omega hormones trying to make them lose mind and act like animals. They must fight back as a human, proving to each other they were not some wild animals who were totally controlled by biological instincts. Dean gritted his teeth and went outside, let the cold wind brush him.

Dean almost felt confident about the whole thing before he scented several Alphas. It’s not like these Alphas were all coming for Sam. Since they were near the town now, the number of Alphas was inevitable increasing. Perhaps these random Alphas were all mated and harmless, but Dean couldn’t risk it. Suddenly the whole world felt hellishly dangerous in Dean’s eyes, millions of Alphas wanting to take a bite of Sam. Dean’s stomach twisted with that image, making him driving without stopping.

Dean felt on edge after several minutes. All he wanted to do was go outside to take a breather because Sam’s smell was thicker as time went by, but he couldn’t leave his brother at this point. Any second a dangerous Alpha could appear and drag Sam away, and Sam couldn’t think straight right now. He must be with his brother all the time, he must, he…

Another wave hit Dean hard and he was lightheaded, everything was spinning before his eyes. After he almost crashed into a tree, Dean had to pull over and cover his face in hopeless. His whole body was trembling because of the rejecting his impulses, rejecting the need to take advantage of his little brother, to give in to his instinct, to go outside to take a rest. His body was on fire and he was so hard, it hurt. Everything hurt so much and Dean felt like he was the one who was in heat.

Oh God, if there was an easier way to solve all of this…..

“Dean.”

Dean’s eye darted open when he heard the sound of the Omega, no, his brother. He stayed still for several seconds before he looked back, meeting Sam’s eye. Dean couldn’t see anything from his position, but Sam was deeply looking at him breathlessly

Omega, brother, unmated Omega, Sam, little brother, the person in front of him had so many tags…Dean didn’t know which one was the right one and which one was just his imagination. His world was collapsing and Dean was falling. But in reality, he just stared at Sam and Sam stared back, neither of them made a simple move.

Dean wasn’t sure what he was searching in Sam’s empty eyes, and he certainly wasn’t sure which move Sam made caused him finally to take action.

He was falling.

Dean’s mind completely shut down before he crashed into Sam. Without any hesitation, he opened his mouth and bit Sam’s shoulder, like he imagined thousands of times.

“Oh fuck yes.”Sam sighed in a low voice and wrapped Dean’s neck with two arms hurriedly while Dean was busy forcefully pushing Sam’s leg open, dragging Sam’s pants down.

Dean never said anything. He slammed into Sam without one word, grabbing Sam’s hips so hard it would certainly leave bruises. However, Sam didn’t seem to care. Sure, his whole body taut because of Dean’s move but his body had been ready for a long time, so he just wriggled and moaned. Sam couldn’t help groaning and moving with Dean when Dean hit the special spot inside him again and again. It didn’t take Sam long before he screamed and came.

Sam opened his leg wider to let Dean in, like he wanted to have more, and Dean was eager to do that. Just few second later Dean climbed over his climax, deeply shooting in Sam.

His knot was starting to fill Sam up. When Sam realized what was happening, he started to push Dean with a weak protest but became tightly embraced in him in no time. His legs wrapped Dean’s waist and waited, with a totally fucked out expression on his face. At that time, Dean thought it was the cutest thing in this world.

“Mine.” When he claimed him as his mate, Dean whispered in Sam’s ear. He could feel Sam was blushing. Although his mind couldn’t register all of these things at all, Dean felt warm as well, just a little bit.

Sam lifted up his face, wanting to kiss Dean, but Dean just pressed his face in the seat and started to move again. It was rough, yes, but Sam never complained about anything, just taking it gladly.

They were falling together.

Nobody knew how many times they made each other come, how many gestures they exchanged and how long they spent together. They just enjoyed the heat, sharing intimate times with their mate, and wished this could be forever.

Until Dean’s phone rang.

The first time it rang, both of them ignored it, but it rang continuously. Dean growled after few times and tossed it to the front seat. And finally, Dean just had to answer it because it was disturbing, and Dean just wanted to push into Sam’s tender, warm body.

“If you ever dare to……”Dean hissed to the phone, but he was cut off.

“Dean?” John said with a confused tone, “Where are you? Why are you not answering the phone?”

It was like a blow slammed into Dean’s face. Dean slowly came to reality. He felt dizzy and puzzled. What was happening? Where was he? What was he doing? He blinked few times and covered his head. “Err……..”

“Is Sam with you? I can’t find him anywhere.” John continued. Dean looked around, trying to catch up, “…….what are you doing? You sound so breathless.”

Dean didn’t realize until he saw Sam, he saw _them._

World became silence and stopped after that. Ice broke through his veins and organs and Dean froze. He stared at Sam and the mark he left behind. The smell, their gesture, the come covering Sam’s body….it was theirs. And the smell, oh god no, Sam just smelt like……

“Dean? Hello?”

Phone slid down and fell to the ground. Sam just watched Dean with a dizzy look, like he didn’t know what’s happening as well.

Dean covered his mouth, trembling helplessly.

“Dean!”Dean heard John shouting, but Dean couldn’t care anymore.

“Oh my God, Sammy.”Dean couldn’t stop trembling like a leaf, his voice quivering. “Oh god, what have I done? Oh god, Sam, oh my god……”

Dean was falling, and all of sudden, he felt himself crashing onto the ground in that winter night, buried in deep snow as he died.

He raped his little brother.


	2. Dean（2）

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos and comments! It means a lot to me!  
> Next chapter is Sam's POV, so you'll see the whole picture of this relationship. :3

When they reached the town, the sun finally came up. The Black Impala drove through dirty snow, leaving tracks behind. Alphas and Omegas on the road turned around with a curious look, as they scented the smell of sex in the car. 

Some people arched their eyebrows and whistled, and others just frowned, twisting their face in disgust. 

And yeah, Dean agreed with them. _It’s disgusting._

He shot a glance at Sam through rearview mirror. Sam was watching the scenery out of the window in silence with hands wrapping his legs. He had already put his clothes on, covering Dean’s sins under them. Nobody would know what they had done from the tidy look of them except the smell. Dean wanted to vomit because of this stink, sick smell.

Sam’s heat wasn’t ending. An Omega’s heat was like a wave. When reached its peak, almost every Omega couldn’t stand the temperature and the horny desire. While when it decreased to the lowest point, it’s nothing but an itchy. Obviously, Sam’s heat was at the later stage right now as Dean relieved some of his hormone previously.

Dean could hardly remember what happened last night. His memory stopped at somewhere when he struggled to breath, and when he woke again, all he could see was they were both naked and…..they became mates. Their smell mixed together like the confluence of two rivers with no opportunity to separate them apart.

Ironically, in a few isolated snatches he could remember, Dean could recall how Sam fought back. Though weak because of the heat, he tried his best to push Dean as far as he could, mumbling something….perhaps an objection? He could still hear Sam screaming in his ears. Regardless of how Sam was unwilling to do this with him, he had torn Sam’s jeans apart and claimed him, made Sam his.

Whenever this fact hit home, Dean barely managed to hold back his guilty tears. How could this happen? Why he couldn’t control himself? He was supposed to take care of his brother, to protect him when he was in danger! What was the difference between Dean and the notorious Alphas who made Omegas their sex toys if all Dean wanted to do was rape his brother when Sam was in heat? What kind of shitty brother was he?

Why he still hadn’t died yet to make up his sins? Oh god, he wished he could die right there with a bullet in his head. That’s his brother, Sam, the person he was supposed to care about, to love, to protect. Dean would pick the star for Sam if that’s what he wanted. But instead of saving him when Sam was stuck in heat, Dean raped him just for desire, for fun? Jesus Christ, that was so wrong. Dean still couldn’t believe all of this was happening.

Dean’s chest was filled with guilt and regret, and all he wanted to do was beg for forgiveness, yet he knew he didn’t deserve it. What kind of excuses he could make to his brother? This wasn’t some mistake people could just laugh off, it was…….

“Dean.”Sam began. Dean shivered at his voice, moving his eyes to avoid eye contact, “it’s not your fault.” 

Dean could still smell himself on Sam. Every thrill he had heard from novels or TV shows when Alpha claimed their Omega didn’t happen at all. In fact, Dean couldn’t feel anything but sick.

He didn’t answer, just ruffling his own hair with one hand.

“This isn’t your fault.” Sam repeated firmly, “you know that whole Alpha and Omega crap. Alphas cannot resist the impulse when Omega was in heat. You’re not an exception. Don’t blame yourself.”

“It’s a coincidence, that’s all this about.”Sam continued when Dean stayed silence, his voice trembling a little, “we happened to be together in the wrong time, wrong place. I happened to be the wrong sex. Some Alphas happened to challenge you. You happened to have to drive a long distance to bring me back. None of this was your fault.”

“It’s irreversible.”Dean blurted. Everyone knew it. If an Alpha claimed an Omega, the Omega would belong to Alpha forever and couldn’t run away. There was no way to change that, not even modern medicine had found a solution. It was like a vow of fidelity, but in Dean’s eye, it was more like a deadly curse.

Sam fell into silence.

Dean’s face was so pale. He just wanted to use knife to cut himself, to use the gun to shoot himself millions of time. He fucked up, he fucked up everything.

How could Dean live knowing he ruined his little brother’s whole life?

“It’s okay, Dean.” Sam finally said, “It’s not like I want to be with someone else.”

 

***

 

He knew he had to face this. When he realized what he had done, he knew what was coming for him. And this was just the perfect start of his miserable life.

It was his fault, he knew, and he deserved it, but it didn’t mean he wasn’t scared. Actually, Dean was almost scared to death of what would happen when he opened the door.

No matter how much Dean didn’t want to face it, the encounter was inevitable. He saw his father sitting on a chair writing journal while Sam closed the door with a little click sound. He as well held his breath. 

“It’s not funny, Dean.” John started with a calm face, “you can’t bring the Omega you hooked up……….”

When he saw it was just Dean and Sam standing in the doorway, his word died in his throat.

They fell completely silence after that. Sam seemed to have no idea what to do, just looking back and forth between Dean and John with a stressful, worried look, while Dean lowered his head, too afraid to see their father’s expression, pressing his lips in a straight line.

Dean waited for the other shoe to drop. Every breath John drew caused Dean to flinch. His face was burning with shame, but at the same time, pale out of the tension and fear. 

It felt like a century before John finally started. “Sam.” John’s voice was dry, “shower time.”

“Dad…”Sam wanted to explain.

“ _NOW_.”John gritted his teeth and growled, glaring at Sam with a warning look. Sam bit his tongue, leaving hesitantly, eyeing Dean all the time in the process.

Nothing happened until they both heard the running sound of water. John stood up with a clenched fist. His Alpha smell was so aggressive and fierce; it made Dean step back and hunch unconsciously in order to protect himself. He was too aware of what would come next.

Pain exploded in his head when John eventually decided to move. Dean closed his eye before John gave him a taste of his formidable left hook, Dean knocking the dresser beside him and falling. But John pulled him up by his collar to drag him up and in no time another blow slammed to this face. Dean’s head snapped back, blood pooling up in the corner of his lips.

“Look what you’ve done!!”John shouted, face twisting up with pain and anger.

There were so much anger, hate and disappointment in John’s eye….He could put up with anything: Burning, cutting, hitting or whatever cruel punishment John wanted to give him, but he couldn’t stand the disappointment in his father’s eye. He let his father down, and this thought made Dean’s eyes moist.

He would rather take punishments and die because he deserved it, and he wanted his father to teach this lesson in the roughest way he could. He’d love to accept his punishment. But please, _please_ ….He could take everything but John’s disappointment. His father thought of him like he was a failure, a disaster, a person who couldn’t be trusted; Dean couldn’t stand the thought of that.

Yet, he didn’t have any right to tell what John should think or do. Hell, he even didn’t have the right to beg. So all Dean could do was stay silent with his eyes reddened, taking whatever John gave to him.

“That’s your brother! You and Sam share the same blood!”John punched him in stomach and Dean just choked without any noise, “I keep saying ‘take care of your brother, take care of your brother’, and _that’s_ your way to show care?”

“How can you do this to your brother?!”

A sob came from Dean’s mouth and Dean shut his eyes. Under John’s accusations, he felt like a vulnerable infant who couldn’t do anything right. He always tried his best to become a good son, following orders from his father no matter how tough it sounded. He wanted to make his father proud, wanted to protect his brother, wanted to support this fragile family he was left with, make everyone in it happy. But right now, all of those hopes faded. 

Dean Winchester was a criminal, a rapist, a black sheep in family and nothing else.

John hit him endlessly before the sound of water stopped. With a swollen left cheek and bruised body, Dean stood against the wall, waiting. His entire body was hurt and sore, but Dean couldn’t care less. It was nothing, nothing at all. He deserved it. 

“Out.” John coldly said, pointing to the door.

Dean went outside obediently, still couldn’t lift his head. He stood in the thick snow, feet going numb after just half an hour. He swallowed the lump in his throat and waited. He knew he may stand there for several days, even faint in the end because of hunger or exhaustion. But so what? He ruined his brother’s whole life. Sam could never have an opportunity to love someone, to marry someone, to be with the right person who would bring Sam happiness and joy, and it was Dean’s fault.

When thinking of this, tears fell down Dean’s eyes, dropping into the thick snow without sound. 

 

***

 

To Dean’s surprise, John didn’t let him wait that long before he went outside and called for him.

John put on his coat while speaking, refusing to look at Dean; obviously still upset with his eldest. “Go inside. Call me when you’re done.”

At first Dean didn’t understand what John was talking about, so he just stared his father with confusion.

“Sam still feels…. _uncomfortable_.” John explained, “And from now on, whenever he has this…..you’re the one handling the situation.”

Dean froze when he realized the meaning behind it. “…..perhaps suppressant is a better….”he hesitantly said.

“Sam has a mate just right here, and you still want him to use that shit to shorten lifespan?!” John’s voice instantly rose, causing Dean to flinch, “you started this thing, Dean, so now it is your responsibility. Act like an Alpha and do your job.”

John was gone just a few seconds later. Dean didn’t know what to do, just standing there with a shocked face, didn’t have the chance to register all of these things. It’s happened so fast.

 _Job._ Dean thought when he finally sighed deeply and slipped into the room with a tired face. John’s words echoed in Dean’s head as he saw Sam on the bed, holding quilt tightly and breathless. 

Sam’s heat cycle had reached its peak again after couple of hours, no wonder John went out. Although his father was a mated Alpha, the smell of an Omega in heat was annoying to him as well.

Dean watched as Sam panted and struggled on the mattress, face reddened as desire rushed down his spine. Dean’s body was ready to please his mate, fully awakened by the heat. However, there was a hollow hole in Dean’s heart, making him unable to feel anything but sorrow and pain. Whenever Dean closed his eye, he could see the snow flying in that cold night, the night he fell and died.

Dean climbed onto the bed, making eye contact with his little brother. Sam had just finished showering, hair wet and damp, and his face was pink for wanting, which was absolutely adorable. Dean’s heart skipped a beat as he saw this.

“I’m so sorry.” Sam whispered, body quivering a little bit.

“No, Sammy, don’t be.”Dean answered with a smile, hoping it was not as bitter as he felt, “it’s not your fault, it’s mine.”

He tentatively touched his brother’s skin, waiting for permission. All of this was so wrong, touching Sam, caressing his skin and saying intimate things like this was totally wrong. Dean even wished that wild beast in his body could take control again, so he didn’t need to face this.

They’re brothers. It was Dean’s job to take care of his brother, but not in this way, never in this way.

Dean took a deep breath. “Can I?” He said in a low voice, hand gently touching Sam’s slim legs. 

Sam didn’t say a word. He just nodded and spread his legs, his hands automatically wrapping around Dean’s neck. 

Dean felt cold, like he went back to that night, so he closed his eyes and opened his fly, pretending he wasn’t here. 

He knew Sam didn’t have an opportunity to say no.


	3. Sam（1）

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, thanks to my dearest Beta @Sanshal! Love you <3333333

Sam woke up in bed when first ray of sunlight shone on his face.

It was a nice feeling, being embraced by the warmth of sunshine, making Sam yawn. He wasn’t quite awake enough to process the situation though, so he just stayed on the bed enjoying the softness of it. Not until he stretched himself did Sam realize that something was wrong, since his body was all sore.

Fuzziness started to clear and he was becoming more sober. Sam quickly stumbled to his feet and turned to see the bed, which was tidy and clean, like nothing had happened. And there was no sign that Dean had been there before.

 _Dean._ Sam thought when he recalled the memory. He couldn’t remember much though, as his mind was disturbed by the heat, but it was enough to make Sam blush. His breath quickened because of the memory, embarrassment filling him instantly. Sam couldn’t resist touching his neck, and he could feel Dean’s bite mark, which was the symbol of claiming.

He rubbed the mark absently, didn’t know how to feel about the whole thing. From becoming an Omega to getting claimed by his brother, Sam didn’t have an opportunity to react at all, all of it happening too fast for him to process. Whether he liked it or not, he was an Omega, and his Alpha was his brother. It was just a fact.

He felt uneasy about it, but not for the mating part. In fact, what annoyed him most was that he was an Omega instead of a strong Alpha. All his life, Sam had prepared to become an Alpha just like his father and brother, hunting down the evil and saving people, protecting his family. But then he turned out to be an Omega, who were commonly thought of as weak and vulnerable. Society thought all Omegas were good at was for doing the housework and nurturing next generations. Sam grimaced when he imagined himself heavily pregnant with a round belly, sweeping the floor and cooking dinner as he waited for his Alpha and children to return from work or school. _No, definitely not his dream life._

That was not to say Sam disliked children, though he never thought he could give birth to any of them. But this way of life, depending on other people to live, was totally pissing Sam off. He didn’t want to be protected (and most likely, be disdained) just because he was an Omega. He wanted to fight against monsters just like his family, not be the one being left behind, like he was still a child.

Unfortunately, no matter how much Sam hated it, he _was_ an Omega; end of story. Sam sighed deeply, trying not to worry too much about his future. He certainly needed to read some guide books about Omegas and make a plan to readjust his life. Being an Omega was hard in this world, but Sam repressed the impulse to panic and tried to think wisely. He _could_ have a decent life with the identity of an Omega, having a heart attack didn’t help to achieve it.

At the moment, Sam couldn’t be more thankful he had Dean by his side. His father could be stereotypical, bossing Sam around more than he already did just because John thought he was ‘just an Omega’, but his brother wasn’t like that. Yes, Sam admitted Dean preferred to hook up with Omegas and sometimes deliberately said some typical stupid Alpha words just to tease Sam, but his brother was actually fairly kind. There was no doubt that Sam could have Dean back when he adapted to his new identity, fighting together for the unknown future. Sam was sure of it.

Sam sighed again, starting to become alert about Dean’s absence, so he opened the door and stepped outside. Soon, he found Dean sitting on the chair beside dining table, with a newspaper in his hand.

He smelled a big breakfast coming and looked at table, and the abundance of food almost startled him. “I don’t ne...” he started, but stopped when he saw Dean lifting his newspaper, pretending to read it.

Sam waited, but Dean didn’t say a word. He just hid behind his newspaper and Sam suddenly felt extremely uneasy, but he decided to put it aside for the moment. Dean obviously needed more time to handle the situation, and Sam understood it.

They stayed silent while Sam sat down and ate his breakfast. He could scent their mixed smell in the air and Dean’s smell from his bite mark, and these smells made him all relax and calm. Sam couldn’t deny that he liked his brother’s smell. He didn’t know how to describe it, perhaps the first snow of winter or the snow in Christmas’s Eve, chilly but at the same time gentle. It melted Sam’s heart a bit somehow with the reason Sam didn’t understand.

Dean’s sudden movement broke Sam’s muse. Sam lifted head with a curious look, watching Dean fetching a plastic bag in the bedroom and placing it on the table. Dean remained expressionless, taking the items out one by one. Sam found the titles of these all started with the letter ‘O’.

“Take these.”Dean said with two pills in his hand, voice flat and dry. Sam studied it a few seconds before realized it was oral contraceptive drugs.

Sam blushed and took it immediately, stealing a quick look of Dean, but Dean didn’t look at him at all. He just pointed the items on the table with a distant look. “I didn’t know which one you needed, so I bought them all. You decide which you want to use.”

Sam ran though the items on the table. Suppressants, guide books, sprays, even toys. Sam felt even more awkward, so he licked his lips, wanting to say something, but Dean left again without another word, leaving Sam alone in the living room.

Dean didn’t show up until Sam finished his breakfast and read all the instructions of these new things. “Pack up your things. Dad will be there soon.” There was a bag on Dean’s hand.

“We are leaving?”Sam asked in surprise. He hadn’t finished his homework, but it didn’t matter anymore.

“They know we’re brothers.”Dean answered, his eyes still looking somewhere else, “It’s dangerous.”

Sam took a deep breath. Yes, how could he forget that? Incest was a grave felony, especially for the Alpha. When some accidents came up, Alphas always took the blame, no matter what the truth was. That was how the world worked. They called it ‘with great power comes great responsibility.’

“It’s not your fault.”Sam said. The only thing he could feel was guilt.

Dean didn’t answer this time, just returning to the bedroom and closing the door.

 

***

 

The smell of detergent in Impala was so strong, it made Sam cough endlessly.

Neither John nor Dean seemed to be influenced by it though. Dean just curled himself in the backseat while Sam took the passenger seat. The car was permeated with an atmosphere of awkwardness and intense embarrassment, but nobody said a word since they started the journey.

At first, Sam wanted to bring up some causal topics, but dropped it instantly as he saw the expressions of John. Their father was still angry and Sam was better not to challenge him. Although Sam wasn’t as submissive as Dean, even he didn’t dare to say anything when John was in this kind of mood. It was terrifying.

So they just stayed silent through the whole road trip, giving Sam enough time to think. He thought about his future, his life, and his bonds with Dean. He still didn’t completely know the mate thing. Sure, he knew lots of stories from books and movies, some of them happy and cheesy, some of them dark and heartbroken, but they were just stories. He had heard too much and read too many books on the topic, but he was too young to know the true meaning behind it.

He knew being mated meant that he and Dean had to be together forever, especially for his part (an Omega could only have one mate while an Alpha could link with several Omegas, totally biological bias), but he didn’t think being with Dean forever was a bad thing. He certainly felt a little disappointment when he knew he couldn’t have a sweet girlfriend anymore, but the thought of bonding with other people terrified Sam. Considering their lifestyles, Sam didn’t think he could become attached to anyone at all, so he would prefer to be with Dean rather than some strangers.

Besides, he enjoyed sharing time with Dean. Hell, they really moved a lot and sometimes Sam felt all he had was Dean. Although Sam didn’t want to admit, he felt a little bit annoyed every time when Dean left him alone running after some girls or Omegas. Sam really missed their movie nights when they were still young; because that was the time he could catch all of Dean’s attention. Saying this aloud would be really stupid, but Sam really wanted Dean to give him more time to be together.

It’s weird, but Sam didn’t feel uncomfortable at all with the fact that Dean was his mate. He surely felt awkward that he needed to show his private parts to Dean when he was in heat, but Sam felt it was bearable too, which surprised himself as well. He knew he should feel wrong about the whole thing, but for some unknown reason he didn’t, though it didn’t feel absolutely right either.

“We’re here.”John said, making Sam jump to reality. Dean and John immediately stepped out the car when it stopped, Sam quickly following them.

“ _Two_ rooms, one double and one single.”John said as he reached the front desk and offered his fake credit card.

Dean visibly winced at John words, but didn’t protest. He stepped back and bowed his head, but John just ignored him.

Sam eyed him worriedly. Dean shouldn’t be like this. He was a dynamic Alpha with a teasing smile and shining eyes. He lightened everyone’s mood just by being there. When it came to hunting, Dean was a strong and professional hunter, giving people a great sense of safety. His stubborn, sharp and protective nature impressed people. Everyone liked Dean and Sam could sit there talking about Dean’s merits all day.

But looked at him now, Sam couldn’t believe this was his brother. There was no light in Dean’s eyes and he didn’t smile at all, just having a numb expression. Sam’s heart broke as he witnessed it.

John tossed the single room’s key to Dean. “Stay away from our room.” John said coldly, and Dean slowly nodded without a single word.

Sam wanted to protest because Dean shouldn’t be treated like this, but John just grabbed his arm and dragged him away with a fretful look.

And that’s the last time he saw Dean in several weeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Dean....He take all the blame to himself, even if Sam doesn't blame him at all.  
> In next update Sam finally have a talk with Dean. What's going to happen? XD
> 
> anyway, thank you for reading my story!


	4. Sam（2）

Sam missed his brother.

 _God, he missed him so much._ Three weeks had passed and John was still in the same angry mood. He didn’t allow Dean to come around, so they ate separately, lived separately and had different timetables. Although Dean’s room was just beside them, Sam didn’t have an opportunity to even peek at his brother, to see if he was okay.

Three weeks had passed and Dean’s smell from his bite mark was fading, which made Sam restless. He didn’t know why, but he _really_ wanted to see Dean, to be with Dean. Sam even dreamed about Dean when he slept. In his dream they were again children, and Dean read bedtime’s stories to him with a huge grin, and sometimes Dean held his hand tightly when they went down the steps, too afraid Sam would fall. Whenever Sam woke up from these dreams, he missed Dean desperately.

But Dean just disappeared from Sam’s life. John didn’t talk to him expect on hunts. And Sam knew John pushed Dean hard. He could hear Dean leave for hunts at midnight and return with a tired, heavy tread, and all of it made Sam sick. Why did their father do this to Dean? He hadn’t done anything wrong. It was just an accident, for Christ’s sake!

“It’s not his fault!”Sam said it again and again, but John never listened to him, “he tried his best, Dad! You don’t know what happened that night. He had been protecting me all the time, confronting strange Alphas who wanted to take advantage of me! The room in Impala was too small, he couldn’t-”

John waved him off, but this time Sam didn’t give up. He needed to persuade John to stop punishing Dean for no reason. Hell, it was not punishment, it was torture! “No, Dad, you don’t understand-”

“ _You_ don’t understand!”John turned suddenly and scolded, Sam shut his mouth instantly “what do you know about it? You think Alphas can’t resist Omegas’ heat-scent, right? Well, I’ll tell you that it’s bullshit.”

“There’re so many stories about how the Alpha control himself when an Omega is in heat.” John continued dryly, “Hell, when one of my friends was in heat, his Alpha brother was locked down with him in a basement, and nothing happened. ‘Can’t resist’ is just an excuse for weak or evil Alphas.”

“All my life, I’ve training him to become a strong Alpha. A _good_ Alpha.” John accused with indignation burning in his eyes, “but look what he has done! He even couldn’t control himself for fucking one night, and you’re his damn _brother_!”

Sam opened his mouth but didn’t know what to say. “But…”Sam’s stomach twisted because of his father’s words. He felt lost and confused, and at the same time guilty for putting Dean in this position in the first place.

Perhaps it was Sam’s expression somehow that made John stop complaining. He studied Sam for a moment with a frown, and then, John changed subjects.

“I knew it’s hard for you as well.”John’s face softened, and Sam started to feel uncomfortable, “but I need you to know, all these feelings you have for Dean now are not from _you_ , it’s just because of your Omega instinct.”

John looked Sam with concerned eyes. “You and he are mates now. It’s your instinct that tells you to be close to Dean, to care for Dean; I understand. But you need to know what’s right and what’s wrong. Leave me to handle the situation. I know the best for both of you. ”

 _No, you don’t,_ Sam wanted to scream _. All you did was torture him_. Sam thought bitterly, but fell silent anyway.

Perhaps their father was right. Perhaps these feelings for Dean were just wrong, but the original Sam would miss and fight for Dean, too. Was he influenced by his Omega instinct? Sam didn’t know. He cared about Dean, thought about him all the time, and dreamed about him sometimes….did it cross the line? But then again, where did this line lay?

Sam pressed his lips together, listening to John’s sigh. “….Go to study.”John finally said and turned around.

 

***

 

Eventually, Sam couldn’t help the impulse to see Dean, so he skipped his classes for the first time. Knowing John was out, Sam picked the lock and entered Dean’s room.

When he stepped in, he breathed deeply. This room was filled with Dean’s smell, like the cold but gentle snow, making people clam and relax. Suddenly, weeks of anxiety disappeared, and Sam couldn’t resist smiling. His stomach rolled with anticipation.

He waited patiently. When he heard his brother’s footstep, Sam hid in the bathroom, waiting for Dean to close the door. Several seconds had passed when he heard Dean calling with hesitation. “Sam…?”

 _Oh shit, the smell._ Sam cursed softly. He always forgot he now had a smell and Dean certainly could scent him.

Sam stepped out of door reluctantly, facing Dean in the living room. When Sam actually saw Dean, he gulped in shock, for how Dean’s look had changed during these weeks.

Dean had obviously lost too much weight and John’s jacket on him seemed even bigger than normal. When Sam looked into Dean’s eyes, all he could see was a void- _numb and emotionless_ , like his brother had died inside. There were dark circles under those once sparking green eyes and Dean now had a coarse skin with black stubble. Dean was so pale, Sam believed he would faint at any second.

“Wha…what happened?”Dean started and coughed, like he hadn’t spoken in several days. “Why aren’t you at school?” Dean asked with a worried look.

“I came for you.” Sam answered with a soft voice. Dean kept a distance between them and whenever Sam took a step forward, Dean took a step back, like he was too scared to be near Sam. Sam’s eyes became moist. He wanted to hug his brother tightly until Dean knew he needn’t to feel sorry at all.

Dean curled his lips and faked a smile. “I’m fine. You don’t need to worry about me.”

“No!”Sam almost shouted and Dean flinched because of the sudden change in volume. Sam lowered his voice. “No, you’re not fine. You’re a mess.”

Dean blinked tiredly before he turned around, taking off his coat and throwing it on the bed, avoiding eye contact. “You should go back.”

“Not until you promise me.”Sam insisted, staring Dean all the time.

“Promise you what?”

“Promise me not to blame yourself anymore.”Sam explained and Dean bit his lower lip, “Dad’s wrong. His punishments doesn’t make any sense, can’t you see that? None of what happened is your fault, and please, stop punishing yourself. It’s killing you!”

“I’m fine. I don’t need you to worry about me. I know how to take care of myself.”Dean retorted with a flat tone.

“ _Are_ you? Look at you!”Sam said with a sad tone, “Jesus, I even can’t recognize you. It’s like you went through a tsunami or earthquake or something. This must stop, all of these needless self-castigations. How many times should I tell you so you could understand what happened wasn’t your fault?”

“I said I’m fine, Sam.”Dean’s tone became colder, clenching his fists, but Sam didn’t want to give up.

“Think about it, it isn’t _that_ bad.”Sam tried to persuade Dean, “Yes, you and I are mates now, but that’s not a totally bad thing. I mean, think about the bright side. Only mated Omegas can be enrolled by general schools since they can’t cause turmoil because of the heat, so I can go to school now.”

Dean’s face instantly went pale when Sam brought up with ‘mate’ topic, but Sam continued resolutely. “And I can help you too, Dean. You know, there are always some girls or Omegas who get the wrong idea and want to have a closer relationship with you. I can drive them away with a fake angry expression so they can’t upset you anymore. See? It’s not that bad. You should relax and forget about it as well, go to some bar or something, just like you always do.”

Dean’s lips were quivering, like he was repressing his feeling. Dean rubbed his face and opened his mouth several times, but no sound came from it. Finally, he just sighed deeply with an exhaustion look and rubbed his neck instead. “You really should go back.” Dean said tiredly.

So Dean totally didn’t get the idea, Sam huffed with agitation. He knew Dean was a stubborn person, but Sam believed his theory was really easy to understand, so why Dean couldn’t see it? Was there any good if Dean just shut down and let Dad and himself punish him to death? Sam knew Dean needed time, but three weeks was enough to let it go.

Sam talked, talked and talked even when all Dean’s reaction was to stand there in silence. It seemed like Dean had completely given up talking back; he just stood there with a blank face. Dean wanted to escape at some moments, avoiding the conversation by walking toward bathroom, but Sam knew him too well to let him pass.

Sam could see as time passed Dean becoming more and more restless, and in normal times Sam would just step back and give Dean space. But this wasn’t normal time and three weeks was long enough for Sam to take action. At least one of the members in this family needed to stay sober when others took all the blame to Dean, and Sam was glad to play that role.

“ _Please_ , Dean.”Sam begged, wanting to have eye contact with Dean, “I know Dad said some stories about some Alphas controlled themselves when Omegas were in the heat, and I heard those kinds of stories too. But the reason these could _become stories_ in the first place was because most of people couldn’t do it. Come on, you can’t always use the highest standard to discipline yourself. That night was more complicated than that.”

When all Dean’s reaction was step back when Sam stepped forward, Sam didn’t know what else he could do. If Dean took silence as his weapon, Sam didn’t know how to drag him out from his protection. “Dean, talk to me, please.” Sam stepped forward again, wanting to be close with Dean, “you can’t do this to yourself. Please let me in, so I can help. I care about you, Dean, please. I’m your brother.” Sam swallowed, “your _Omega_.”

Some of Sam words must triggered something in Dean because all of a sudden, he exploded. “ _Talk_?”Dean’s tone had so much sarcasm like he thought it was funny, “Talk about what? What do you want me to say? I’m a criminal who raped my brother, who deserves to die alone in jail, to have chemical castration, to be nailed on the cross and be despised by everyone. Is this what you want to talk about?!”

“No, Dean, I…..”Sam stuttered because of Dean’s sharp words, which like a knife cut into his heart.

The alpha took no note of his interruption, continuing heatedly: “I shamed my family and don’t deserve to have my family name. I’m a hateful, selfish person with no honor and no morals. I’m a freak and a monster that flips out and hurts everyone around me. Is this what you want to talk about? And are you fucking done telling all that _nonsense_ about me not being to blame?!”Poisonous words poured from Dean’s mouth and his eyes were filled with disgust at himself. Sam was the one stepping back now, shivering because of Dean’s words.

“Don’t, you’re not, I didn’t mean-”

“So why don’t you shut the fuck up and mind your own business, and leave. Me. Fucking. Alone!!!”Dean shouted as he pushed every items onto ground, making huge noises.

 _Dangerous._ That’s the first thing jumped to Sam’s mind. His Omega instinct screamed when his brain realized the Alpha in front of him was mad and aggressive, so at one moment he was terrified. And the look on his face must have told Dean something, because suddenly, Dean broke down.

“Oh god, I’m sorry, Sammy, I’m so sorry……”Dean shivered and covered his face with both hands, foot stumbling on the scattered items on the floor as he scattered back. He leaned on the wall and sobbed. His mouth was gabbling, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…….”

Sam just stood there, shocked, when he looked Dean like this. His heartbeat was still quick because of the little panic before, but what mattered most was that he suddenly realized a very true fact.

It’s not Dean and John pushed Dean so hard, it’s _him_.

Sam was the one who cornered Dean and made Dean into this. His words, actions and even his _presence_ made Dean uneasy. Right now Dean was afraid of him, didn’t want to face him and whatever Sam did and said would just pressure Dean more. Sam was painfully aware that John and Dean were actually on the same side and just few words from Sam couldn’t change Dean’s mind at all. Actually, Dean would gladly take their fathers punishments, as long as he didn’t need to face Sam.

But how could Sam let Dean do this to himself? Watching his protector’s falling was so painful and it was like seeing a mountain had collapsed. Sam had been looking up to Dean through his whole life and being the reason of Dean’s breakdown was too much. _Things shouldn’t be like this._ Sam couldn’t let this happen to Dean, the person he used all himself to love.

Sam must save his brother.

After few minutes to calm himself, Sam walked towards Dean. Sam tentatively hugged Dean and Dean didn’t push him away, just flinched a little before going still, Sam couldn’t help feeling relief.

“I’m sorry. I promise I won’t push you to forgive yourself again.” Sam closed his eyes and whispered, making up his mind, “I won’t do this again, I promise.”

Dean relaxed a little, and Sam took the opportunity. “But I must say, you still can’t act like this anymore. You know why?” Sam licked his lips before carrying on, “because you need to be strong for _me_.”

“It’s really unfair to me, you know? Because I’m a fresh new Omega and my body has been through a huge change. Do you remember the movie we saw together when we were young? The Omega would become insecure and vulnerable, feeling like crying with no reason and wanting to be taken care of all the time. Yeah, that’s me in the future.” if all Dean wanted to do was give himself a slow death, Sam could only save him in this way, so Sam said on purpose, “And you? You are my Alpha. Whether you like it or not, it’s the truth. We are bonded and right now I’m your responsibility. If you still push me away and punish yourself endlessly, what should I do?”

It was a lie. Sam was lying, but he didn’t regret it as long as he could get through to Dean. “You need to be with me when I’m in a bad mood, and you need to comfort me when I cry my eyes out unreasonably. I rely on you, need your protection and want you to take care of me.”Although the truth was that Sam was an independent person who could look after himself and support his family, Omega or not, Sam just had to say this to his brother to make him move on, “what am I suppose to do if you’re not here with me?”

“Yes, you made a mistake, that’s true and unchangeable. But if you ignore me and punish yourself to death, you’ll make another mistake. You want to make up your sins? Sure, go ahead but torturing yourself is not the answer. You should take care of yourself, because only when you are in good shape can you take care of _me_.”

Dean somehow stopped trembling and though Sam blushed because of his own words, he kept talking. “If you feel sorry for me, then you should make it up to me by making me feel like I’m the happiest and luckiest Omega in the world. Are there any benefits to me if you torture yourself and ignore me? I need you and I need you be happy, so you giving me the best shot at a happy life-making me smile and blush all the time like an old romantic movie should be your aim. _That_ should be your way to make up for your mistakes.”

 _Oh god, I’m so mean._ Sam thought. _I’m_ _threatening Dean to give me a joyful life. What a shameless move._

But right now the most important thing was dragging Dean out of his misery, and Sam could say-would say-anything to achieve this goal. They could discuss it later, about how to make the whole ‘mate’ thing work, but now, Dean just needed an aim to change his attitude.   

Dean remained silent a little longer and Sam waited before Dean started with a hoarse tone. “….Christ, Sammy……”Dean sighed and pushed Sam away a little bit so they could see each other’s face. Dean’s eyes were still red, but the corners of his lips were tilted up in the faintest smile, “you are really asking for a lot…..”

Sam smiled and shrugged. “I’m an Omega.”Sam arched his brow, making Dean chuckled a little, “it’s my right to ask.”

“Yes, you are.”Dean agreed with a smile. He licked his lips and looked Sam with so many emotions; it made Sam’s heart skip a beat.

There was so much care and love in Dean’s eyes….like Sam was the most precious thing, like Sam was the only person in this world. Dean gently brushed Sam’s hair and pushed a strand of hair behind Sam’s ear. “Don’t worry.”Dean eventually promised, “I’ll take care of you.” Just like Dean had always said, just a little sad.

Sam was relieved and smiled back. He knew Dean’s aim still wasn’t healthy, moving on because of his responsibility to take care of Sam, but they had made progress. Sam believed one day they could be completely over this problem and truly move on.

They were still brothers; nothing changed, and they would find a way to make this ‘mate’ thing work. Then they still could have the bright future that Sam had always envisioned, together.

Right now, Sam really believed in this.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay....I know that's sounds tricky, about 'still being brothers' thing.  
> Next will be Dean's POV, talking about his reaction after the encounter.  
> And? You know, my tags always have some spoilers......


	5. Dean（3）

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, many thanks to my lovely beta @Sanshal You can't imagine how thankful I am to have you by my side! <3

 

Dean constantly dreamed about that night these days.

In his dreams, it never stopped snowing. Perhaps snowstorm was a better word to describe the background of the dream, where Dean could hear the winds screaming through the woods and making creepy sounds. Dean was trapped in the middle of the road, the depth of snow making car impossible to move.

He didn’t know where he came from or where he was going, but the idea of running pushed him to keep going, like he was chased by something, or someone. Dean didn’t know why-it was a dream, dreams didn’t need logic-but he was scared and almost freaked out, so he ditched the impala and started to run in the severe weather.

He couldn’t breathe and could hardly see the path in front of him, but he had to keep on going, so he ran and almost fell over several times because of the deep snow. He knew he pushed his body too hard but he didn’t care, because something behind him was coming for him, something he couldn’t even remember, so he just ran, as fast as he could.

However, suddenly, the dream changed. Neither the snow nor the wind existed, just a peaceful night with stars blinking upon the sky instead. Dean was confused, so he stopped hesitantly and looked around to find potential danger, body staying alert all the time.

As he searched around the whole area, all of sudden, he noticed a white flower on the side of the road. Dean couldn’t tell the species of the flower, but it was so beautiful that made Dean hold his breath. The moonlight shimmered on it, making it stand out of the whole scene. Even if there was a fairy living in it, Dean would never be surprised.

Attracted by its incredible beauty, Dean got close to it and squatted down. He took a deep breath and the fragrance of it was enticing, which must have cast some magic to Dean as he immediately calmed down. The warmth in his heart came from nowhere, but Dean smiled because of it. He gazed the flower a long time, and finally, he decided to take action.

He picked the flower which hadn’t bloomed yet and hid in both of his hands.

Dean actually didn’t know the reason behind this, but, perhaps he _did_. It’s because he liked it so much he couldn’t stand other people to catch a glimpse of it, because he was obsessed with it and losting this opportunity could make him loose it forever, because it was so attractive and innocent, and Dean couldn’t resist the impulse to protect it.

Because he wanted it, _loved_ it so much.

The dream stopped at this very minute every time. When Dean picked the flower and snapped the stem, he would suddenly wake up, coughing and choking, overwhelming by the feel of panicking. He struggled and squirmed, trembling breath escaping his lips. Cold sweat covered his shaking body and his heartbeats raced to an almost impossible speed. For a few second, Dean really thought he would die in the bed.

Unfortunately, he was still alive, had to suffer the aftermath of the repeated nightmare and that memory all alone. In the middle of this quiet midnight, only darkness was willing to accompany him, and all Dean could do was curl into a small ball, telling himself he was alright.

And eventually, Dean had to calm down and stopped trembling by his own effort because no one was here to comfort him, and he didn’t want anybody to. So for the rest of the night, he just stared at the window, watching as the sun rose with a blank face, and got up to finish the job John had given to him yesterday. 

He was fine, really. There was nothing to worry about.

 

***

 

Three month had passed. Dean’s life didn’t get better, but it didn’t get worse either.

Good news was that Dean finally got used to his monotonous repetitive life. He did basically everything on his own, eating, sleeping, researching, and hunting, and sometimes no one would talk to him for days. John would meet him once in a while, but just for exchanging information on hunting and assigned tasks, like Dean was just a soldier and nothing more.

He didn’t see Sam much as either. They had fairly different timetables and for those brief moments that they ran into each other, they only had time for greeting. Dean still became quite uncomfortable when Sam was around, but he tried his best to do the right thing, so Dean smiled when he met Sam in the hallway.

It was not like that he forgot his words about taking care of Sam from several weeks ago. Actually, he remembered that clear enough. It was easier said than done, though. The truth was, for Dean, it was like an impossible mission for him to accomplish. He wanted to become a good Alpha to take responsibility, he really did, but whenever he met Sam, the memory of that night would jump into Dean’s mind, making him pale. He looked at Sam’s smile and all he saw was how Sam had cried and screamed under him. The memory was so vivid and painful….and Dean just _couldn’t_. He couldn’t pretend everything was still okay between them and could be alright one day, because there was no going back for either of them.

His little brother was really thoughtful. Sam put Dean as his priority when he saw what had Dean been through after that night. Sam was hurt, but he loved Dean enough to let it go, to forgive Dean, because that was something Sam would do, because he was _Sam,_ Dean’s damn kind little brother who was willing to repress his own feeling and be strong for Dean.

Sam wanted to put Dean out of his misery, and Dean really appreciated that.

But at the same time, it made Dean even sadder, because it continually reminded Dean what he had ruined. What a good child Sam was and how bright Sam’s life could have been when he grew up if Dean hadn’t done that. Dean took away Sam’s everything, his freedom, his dignity and his right to have a happy life. Hell, he even took Sam’s opportunity to enjoy _sex_ before he had any chances to try it. For the Christ sake, Sam was just a teenager, a _kid,_ and his life hadn’t really started yet, and Dean just ended it without blink.

Even if Sam could forgive him for _that_ , it just suggested how young Sam was…He didn’t know the meaning behind it, couldn’t tell the love they shared and a romantic love apart. Deep down, Dean always knew one day Sam was going to hate him when he finally understood what Dean had stolen from him. Dean was just his _brother_ and it wasn’t his role to love Sam that way, but because of him, Sam lost his soul mate forever.

So, how Dean could confront Sam knowing all of these things? It took time to carry on and Dean just couldn’t right now, no matter how many months had passed. Considering this, all these months he just did one thing instead: hunting.

He needed to take care of Sam, which included making sure Sam was safe. And when he killed another monster, another, and another, the world would be safer, and so would Sam. Using this theory, Dean engrossed himself even more in hunting and killing, refusing to face other complicated and painful truths.

Every night he went to bed, Dean hoped everything would go well tomorrow, because the life they were living was so fragile and couldn’t take another hit, especially his.

His hope shattered into pieces, so did Dean. 

 

***

 

“Sam doesn’t feel well these days.”

One day, John said to him with a flat tone. At that time, they were searching a nasty ghost together and Dean blinked and stopped reading, because it was the first time John had talked about Sam with him these days.

“…..What has happened to him?”Dean answered carefully. He didn’t know whether John wanted him to care about Sam or thought it was too much, and Dean didn’t want to take the risk to piss John off.

“He’s easily tired, and prone to vomit all the time.”John continued when he turned the page of book in his hand, “he sleeps too much and becomes moody.”

When Dean didn’t know what to answer back, John dropped the book on the table. “It’s been three months, right?”John’s voice didn’t change.

There was something in John’s tone made Dean suddenly realized what their dad trying to talk about, and it gave Dean almost a heart attack. “I, I gave him the pills, I’m…I’m sure.” Dean stuttered and closed the book he read, hands gripping it tightly.

“Nobody said the pills work every time.”John’s voice was really far, and all Dean could hear was his own heart beat, “Take him to the hospital. It’s your responsibility.”

Before Dean could react, John stood up and stormed out, unwilling to stay with Dean in the same room any more.

Everything went too fast, leaving Dean no room to think. Before he knew what was going on, he was standing in the front of clinic with Sam besides him. Sometimes Dean thought there must be something wrong with his brain, because he always couldn’t remember how things suddenly ended up in a mess when they seemed to be going just fine.

“Please wait outside, I want to share a few words with him.” Doctor said with a frown. After seeing their marriage certificate-fake, of course-the doctor didn’t seem to be convinced. Dean know it was because their age and most important, his look. Although Dean was a good liar as he must lie to lots of people to get information on hunting, he just couldn’t pretend this time. The anxiety on Dean’s face must tell something, making doctor want to protect Sam.

Unlike old times, the modern society had a huge number of laws on protecting Omega, and Dean knew they were right. Alphas like him should be monitored and suspected because they were irrational and impulsive, could do anything to hurt others. So Dean just nodded and turned around, but before he moved, Sam grabbed him by the arm.

“I’m fine, doc, nothing to worry about.” Sam smile politely and waved off doctor’s request, “We’ve always been together-since I was a child, and we’ve loved each other for a long time.”

“I know the certificate is a dumb move but.”Sam said in embarrassment and lightly nudged Dean, like they were really that close, “you know, it’s not like we can control it. I have already taken the medicine but…..we just want to make sure. We’ll be careful next time, really, I promise.”

The doctor looked at Sam’s eye and Dean knew he was persuaded, because nobody could resist those big, innocent puppy eyes Sam had, at least to Dean. Dean would like to do anything for him if Sam used that look on him.

“Are you sure? We have a whole system to handle the situation. With all due respect, but if you are under threat…..”Doctor eyed Dean when he said, and Sam just touched Dean’s arm, like he was comforting him.

“I’m sure.”Sam grinned. That smile broke Dean’s heart because it felt so genuine when all Sam said was a lie, _all of it was a lie_. “I’m happy, and you know what? I’m really a lucky man to have him. He’s a damn awesome Alpha, worrying about me all the time when he doesn’t need to.”

“Sam.”Dean warned in a soft voice.

Sam looked at Dean, who took a step to stay away from Sam, and Sam said with emphasis. “No, I mean it.”

Dean didn’t bother to answer him back as doctor sighed and handed the application form to Sam. “Abdominal ultrasound is on the second floor.” Doctor said. Sam took it and thanked doctor.

Two brothers fell silent after that. As they headed to the B scan room, Dean kept his head down while he followed Sam. The hospital was filled with people and the look on their faces made Dean even more agitated, as if everybody was accusing him and thought him as nothing but trash. Dean clenched his fists and forced himself to look forward.

“How are you doing?”Sam asked as they stopped and waited at the doorway.

Dean crossed his arms and leaned on the wall as strangers passed by. “You’re the one who are going to do the super-B.”

“Dean.”Sam sighed, but Dean didn’t want to start a conversation, so they stayed silence a little longer before Sam decided to continue. “I mean, what are you up to these days? I didn’t hear anything from dad or……you……are you alright? You don’t look fine.”

“Don’t you think it’s not the time to worry about me?”Dean scratched the neck and sighed, too. Sometimes it’s really an annoyed thing when you have such a sensitive brother, “I’m fine! I’m fabulous, so could you drop the topic and think something about yourself?”

Sam wanted to argue but door opened, the nurse calling out. “Sam Winchester.”

Sam’s body was instantly intense. Just like Dean thought, his brother actually dreaded this, but he pretended he was alright to comfort Dean. Sam was just sixteen, basically a teenager who should learn at school, not a person who needed to worry about pregnancy. If Dean was an Omega and somebody told him perhaps he was about to become a father when he was sixteen, Dean surely would freak out.

 _Please, not a baby. Never a baby._ Dean prayed when Sam stepped into the room. Dean was trembling before he could realize, because he really didn’t know if it was a truth, if Sam and him really have a _child,_ how he could possibly know how to deal with it. Dean’s mind instinctively refused to think about it. It couldn’t be true. There must be no infant. Their father was just paranoid, that’s all.

But was there anybody out here who wanted to listen to his prayers? Nobody cared. God never cared.

“Congratulations!”After several minutes, nurses came out with a huge grin. Dean immediately felt dizzy and the world was spinning, “the baby is healthy. You can prepare to….sir? Are you alright?”

There was nothing to celebrate. Dean covered his face and screamed inside.

Nobody cared, especially God. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .....  
>  So, a baby. What would Winchesters do? See it in the next chapter! XD (Yeah I know my tags are totally spoilers.....)


	6. Dean（4）

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to my lovely beta @Chelsea She is the one who gives this work life again!

On the other side of the phone, John had been quiet for too long. Dean couldn’t do anything but wait for the inevitable outcome. The talking and walking in the hospital was blurred into white noise, and all Dean could hear was his own heartbeat pounding in his ears.

Finally, John started, “You know I’m not ready to be a grandfather, right?” Dean closed his eyes as he listened to this. Of course, he heard his dad’s unspoken words, “...and we’re in no condition to be raising another child.”

Dean was grateful, really, because John could have used much worse words to describe the baby sleeping in Sam’s belly, to scold its guilty father. _Look what you’ve done!! How can you do this to your brother?!_ John’s words echoed in his head.

“I know,” Dean said breathily. Everything was freezing cold, and Dean didn’t know how much longer he could keep breathing before drowning in this snow.

“So you know what you should do.”

 _I’m sorry._ Dean took a deep breath before answering, “Yes, sir.” Dean knew his voice was more like a cry, but he couldn’t control himself.

_I’m sorry, Sammy. It’s my fault that it exists. And right now, I have to make you let it go.  
_

While he was thinking, Dean had to shut his eyes because he was afraid they were filling with tears. He didn’t know he could feel guiltier until now. _I made a mistake, but why did you have to suffer for it? Oh god, if time could be turned back…_

John exhaled, “…You can sign some forms and start the process. I’m on my way.” His tone was a little softer after hearing his elder son’s answer.

“Yes, sir,” Dean said dumbly before John hung up. Dean stood in the same spot for the next ten minutes, staring at the phone. He was lost in thought even though people were walking by. Eventually, Dean closed his eyes to gather his strength before opening the door, and he found his little brother sitting on a seat in the corridor with his hands on his thighs. Sam was staring at something expressionlessly before he noticed Dean’s presence.

“Hey,” Sam greeted with a pale smile. Dean nodded and sat down while Sam kept staring at him. “What did Dad say?”

He felt like sharp needles were piercing his heart, but Dean had to seem normal, so he shrugged. “You know Dad,” he answered with a sigh.

The two brothers stayed silent before Sam let out a bitter laugh that scared Dean. Sam’s tone was full of sarcasm when he responded. “No wonder,” Sam kept laughing as he continued. “I was wondering if he just wanted to make sure I could do the test with kit. There’s no need to book an appointment with a doctor.”

“You don’t have to do it,” Dean said to Sam sincerely. He knew Omegas, hell, and whether Sam was an Omega or not, there was a _life_ in him. Any sane person would take it seriously. Dean had already decided after the call with John. If Sam truly wanted to have it, Dean would let him; no matter what their father was thinking. “Forget about dad, I respect your thoughts.”

If Sam wanted to start a life with babies, then Dean certainly could do that, because he _owed_ Sam that much. Whatever Sam wanted, Dean could do it. Even if one day Sam hated him and wanted him dead, Dean would pull his heart out and give it to Sam without blinking. 

Sam licked his lips and turned to Dean. “…What do you think?” Sam asked, which almost made Dean jump. Oh god, why couldn’t Sam just decide so Dean could follow? Dean hated talking about his opinion, particularly now. He didn’t want to think, for Christ’s sake, he didn’t want to _truly_ think about having a baby with Sam and whether they should give it up or not. It was unbearable.

“No, this isn’t about me. This is your choice,” Dean instantly refused, shaking his head.

“No, I want to hear what you think. It’s yours, too,” Sam insisted, and Dean started to feel restless.  “Do _you_ want it, Dean?”

“…” Dean had to look around to avoid Sam’s gaze. He was sweating from the sudden stress. Dean stammered. “I, I…”

 _It’s wrong_. When Dean had registered the surreal truth, this was the very first reaction he had. _All of this was so wrong_.

What would other people think of the baby when they knew its parents were so sinful? How would he, or she, react after learning its parents are brothers in blood? The child’s life would be miserable, without normal parents or family or friends or toys. All it would have is a life full of secrets and shame.

Oh god, what if the baby had congenital diseases because Dean and Sam shared the same blood? The baby could have congenital dementia, or worse, lack arms or legs. This baby would become a _monster_ , because this is _incest_ , and they shouldn’t have a child _at all_.   

And Sam, his little brother, was so young. It’s too dangerous to have a baby with his immature body. Even if he could go through labor peacefully, what would other people think of Sam? Jesus, what position had he put Sam into? If he could control himself, there was no need to…

“I don’t want it,” Sam’s words broke Dean’s muse, bringing him out of his inner monologue. Dean gave Sam a confused look because of his sudden change of attitude. Sam just lowered his head and took a deep breath.

“I don’t want it. You can talk to doctor. Hopefully we can get rid of it this afternoon.” Sam repeated flatly, which made Dean worried.

“Sam…” Dean knew his attitude must have affected his brother somehow because all the sudden Sam was in denial. Damn, he should at least say something back. He must have upset his little brother. “I didn’t mean that! It’s not like I don’t want it. It’s just, there’re so many things going on these days. I can’t wrap my mind around it…I’d like to have it as long as you want to, really. ”

“…” Sam stared at Dean skeptically, and Dean was trying to look as honest as possible to convince Sam. Finally, Sam just sighed. “…No, I mean it. It’s not because of you…I’ve already decided.”

“Sam…Do you really think so?” Dean asked hesitantly as he stood up. He wanted to make sure his little brother really wanted to make this choice. Because once they did, there was no chance of going back.

“…Yes,” Sam stared out into the distance, getting lost in his own thoughts. “I mean, the only reason we’re hesitating right now isn’t because we _want_ it, it’s because we think it’s a life. A life can breathe and have a heartbeat just like ours. If we give up, it’s like we kill it, or don’t give it a chance to see the world.”

“But actually sometimes, babies don’t want to born. It’s just their parents’ wishful thinking.” Sam continued, and Dean couldn’t decipher the true meaning behind Sam’s words, “If babies couldn’t have their parents’ love and care, couldn’t live happily, they don’t want to be born. If parents force them to exist, they’d feel like caged birds without any happiness in their life, and sometimes they would rather die than suffer.”

“Sam…” Dean didn’t know what to say.

“So yes, let’s do this,” Sam finally looked at Dean and curled his lips. He stood up.

“Let’s set it free.”

 

***

 

After John signed the final signature - Law required that at least one of the Omega’s parents were present - Sam was taken into the operating room. Dean kept staring at the red light on top of the door while John sent away the lawyer who was dedicated to these kinds of cases.

They both sat down after several minutes. Dean fell into complete silence and rubbed his face again and again with his head down not daring to see what John was doing.

The awkwardness was intense, and it made Dean’s breath catch. Whenever Dean was in a same room as John, he was panicking inside, not to mention that right now Sam was in an operating room because of him. Their father must be extremely mad, and Dean was instinctively afraid of his punishments.

“Have you ever seen a miscarriage, Dean?” Suddenly, John broke the silence with a cold tone that made Dean flinch.

Before Dean could answer, John continued. “I have,” John said flatly. “A few years ago, in California, one of my friends had one because he was smashed against the wall by ghosts. While we waited for the ambulance, I couldn’t do anything but watch him struggle and scream on the floor. There was blood everywhere. I can still smell the blood of that night now and then.”

“And I saw it, the fetus. It wasn’t bigger than my palm, but I can see the eyes, hands, and heart,” John said, almost to himself. Dean listened without any sound. “It’s a life, like me, like you.”

“And do you know the difference between an abortion and a miscarriage?” John said as he turned his head to Dean. “For an abortion, the doctor will use instruments to pierce the womb and shatter the fetus into pieces before forcing it out.” 

_Oh god._ Dean covered his mouth helplessly as he imagined that sight. He could almost see Sam lying on the bed screaming while the doctor was probing into his body. Blood was everywhere, soaking the white sheets. When the fetus was pulled out, it wasn’t like a baby, it was like pieces of meat floating on the blood. Sam was crying because of the pain and because he lost his precious baby.

“And I was thinking,” John continued coldly, “Maybe I should send you into the operation room to actually _see_ it. You know, you never can really understand before you see it yourself. Alphas like you need to be taught a lesson, and the doctor would agree with me.”

Dean instantly froze. _No, I don’t want to see it. Hell fucking no._ His mind immediately refused furiously before another voice in his head intruded. _You dared to do it, but you won’t face the consequences? What a coward._

 _Yes, sir._ Dean was about to answer, but after he opened his mouth, he couldn’t find his voice. Even though Dean knew he should learn this lesson in the worst way, he couldn’t resist the denial in his heart. _No, I don’t want to see. Oh god, I don’t want to go in there and see the blood, the screaming, and the fetus! I don’t want to! Please, please…_

Tears filled his eyes, and no matter how he pushed himself to accept the reality and confront the sin he committed, Dean couldn’t. It’s like his body was on edge and couldn’t take another shock. Dean’s breathing was loud and he was shaking. He began hyperventilating, and then he couldn’t breathe at all. He choked and felt nauseous. _No, I don’t want to see, no, no, no, no!_

“…But I changed my mind,” his father continued after a few minutes. Dean was so relieved that it made him dizzy. “Not for you, but for Sam.”

“Sam will be mentally unstable after this, and although I hate to say it, he’ll need his Alpha.” John kept talking, and Dean was trying to catch up after the panic attack. “It won’t be good for him if you break down too. Be grateful that you’re saved by your little brother, the one you hurt and attacked.”

Dean closed his eyes. _Like I don’t know_. But Dean said nothing because he knew that nothing he said would be good enough. He just shut his mouth and listened to whatever John wanted to say. Compared with forcing Dean to see the abortion, John was actually being merciful.

To his surprise, John suddenly pulled him up by his collar and made Dean look at him. John’s eyes were burning with fire but Dean could see he was repressing it. “But I want you to remember this scene, remember my every word, and remember everything you’ve been through after that night.” John scolded in a deep voice as he narrowed his eyes threateningly. Dean just watched his father timidly, “Carve it in your mind and make it the first thing you think about. Next time, whenever you want to do something stupid again, you remember this and STOP. Are we clear?”  

Dean swallowed hard and answered. “Yes, sir.” Dean’s voice was too soft, and it was almost impossible to hear it clearly.

“You better be,” John said coldly when he let Dean go. Dean lowered his gaze and clenched his fists because he couldn’t stop shaking.

John observed Dean furtively when they fell into total silence. After about fifteen minutes, John sighed before he began talking again. “And that’s all I want to say.” John took a deep breath, like he was exhausted as well. “From now on, you could join us, and we can move on. I won’t talk about this again.”

 _What?_ Dean lifted his face, shocked. Did he just say move on? His father wasn’t mad at him anymore? Dean thought his punishment would last forever…

“And just for the record, I’m angry. I’ll _always_ be angry with you about this.” John said, like he read Dean’s mind, and Dean tucked his lips into a thin line, “but what you did is unchangeable, and it’s useless to punish you forever. You’re Sam’s Alpha right now and _Sam_ is what really matters. It’s your responsibility to take care of him, and this time, you should take care of him _forever_.”

“I will,” Dean promised sincerely, as he looked his father’s eyes, “I’ll always take care of him and try my best to make him happy. I promise, Dad.”

 _Make me smile and blush all the time like an old romantic movie._ Dean heard Sam say that day, and he closed his eyes.

 _Yes._ He answered back in his mind. _Yes, I will._

***

 

When Sam awoke from the deep sleep caused by the anesthesia, Dean was by his side with a mug in his hand. Although he still felt anxious, Dean smiled when their eyes met and passed the warm water to Sam.

Sam smiled too while he drank the water, and then Dean asked, “Are you feeling well?” The doctor said Sam would get well soon thanks to his age, but Dean still wanted to make sure personally.

“Yeah, just a little sore I think.” Sam nodded after moving his legs and arms, and he shrugged, “I thought it would be painful or something. It turns out I slept through all of it.”

“That’s good,” Dean said, relieved. It seemed like Sam didn’t suffer which was excellent news.

The two brothers stared at each other before Sam coughed from embarrassment. He smiled before stammering, “Did Dad, I mean, you’re not, you know, because of me…”

“No,” Dean knew what Sam was talking about. “Actually, Dad let me come here. He wanted me to talk with you.”

“Talk? About what?” Sam blinked confusedly.

Dean took a long breath before continuing. He thought a lot about their Dad’s words and their situation while Sam was sleeping, and now, he had made up his mind. “I’m sorry. I can’t imagine how sad and hurt you are right now, and I know there’s nothing I can do to…”

“Actually, I’m not very…” Sam frowned.

“Just hear me out, please,” Dean pleaded. Sam sighed but kept quiet anyway, “It’s an Omega’s instinct to raise children, and I’m so sorry you had to go through this. There’s nothing I can do to make you feel better, but I’ll try. I promise you, and this time I’m sincere. I promise you I’ll be a good Alpha to rely on and I’ll do anything to give you a happy life. I’ll take care of you and won’t make you suffer again.”

“And I swear,” Dean took Sam’s hand and held it tightly. “I’ll take birth control products from now on, so I won’t make this mistake ever again.”

_We’ll never have another child, I promise._

Sam eyes widened, and Dean blushed because of his words. It was still awkward to talk about these things with his _brother,_ but Dean must admit that Sam wasn’t only his brother any more, but his Omega. He had to make sure Sam understood their situation.

Sam had been silent for too long, and Dean started to worry. Maybe he said something wrong again? What did Sam want? Fuck, why did he always do the wrong thing? Perhaps Sam was too hurt to say anything? Did Sam need comfort from him? What should he do? Maybe Sam wanted to cry and he felt ashamed, maybe…

“Glad to know you’re finally looking forward, Dean,” Sam eventually said with a smile. Dean let out a sigh of relief. _Being in a relationship is really exhausting._ _Hopefully I can do something to make Sam happy._

What Dean didn’t see was Sam lowering his eyes as his smile faded away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff and humor are on the way! finally! *cheers*  
> .....or is it?


	7. Sam（3）

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for my late updating to let you guys wait. Thank you to bear with me. It's not a very good idea to travel through the winter holiday and I encountered at least three snowy days :(
> 
> Anyway, thanks to my beta @Chelsea, who's pretty kind and patient to me! And also impressive effective. Wow.
> 
> Hope you enjoy it! Please leave kudos and your comment if you like it ❤

“Jesus Christ, for the love of……Dean! Stop doing that!”

It’s still early, as the sunshine just started to peak up over the horizon, flooding the motel room in salmon pink. Sam was still half-sleep but at the same time groaned with agitation after he realized what Dean was doing, feeling so exhausted for the _shit_ Dean put him through during these months.

Sam was wrong, _so wrong_. Why would he think it was a good idea to tell Dean he wanted to have life like a _romantic movie_? What was he thinking? Yeah, he had watched some love movies before but just some famous ones like _Titanic_ or _Dirty Dancing_ , and he honestly never wanted to live in one of them. It’s just not his thing. Although Dean always teased that he was a girl, he seriously wasn’t, and never will become one.

And if someone told him something like ‘but Omegas like it, too’, he would break his nose and bones in a moment. No joke.

He didn’t want to be this violent and reckless, he really didn’t, but after all the things Dean had done and said to him, Sam just had enough. His brother was heading in the wrong direction and too stubborn to stop. Sam literally lived in a tooth-rotting cheesy movie recently and couldn’t find a way to get himself out of it. It’s so creepy and Sam had goose bumps every time Dean opened his mouth. _Damn it, Dean._ Sam thought hopelessly. _You’re trying too hard._

“What’s wrong, honey?” Dean blinked and said with a smile. There was a plate in his hand and Sam smelt the pancakes from it, “Did you have a bad dream last night? Oh my poor baby, you should have woken me up. I’ll always there for you. Do you think it will get better if I sleep with you tonight?” 

Oh god, his fake tone was torturing Sam’s ears. That’s the tone Dean always used when he wanted to allure waitresses or to hook up with some Betas or Omegas. Sam whined and turned over to the other side. He physically couldn’t see his brother right now.

Yet, Dean didn’t seem to realize Sam’s mood and giggled. “Awww, look at him. My Omega is the cutest in the world. You want to sleep more? Okey-dokey. I’ll just leave the breakfast on the nightstand. You can eat whenever you want, okay? If you don’t like it just tell me, I could cook other things for you.”

 _Just leave, please_. Sam wanted to blurt but held back. It’s useless to vent the anger and upset to Dean, since Dean would just try harder to please him. Sam talked with Dean several times before for this but all he got later was more sweet words and weird acting.

Sometimes Sam thought Dean was just fucking with him, because _who said those things and acted like that in real life_?! Perhaps Dean just wanted to play with him to see how annoyed he could make Sam and laughed his ass off, but it’s too fucking childish, even for Dean. Besides, Dean didn’t seem to play with him. He looked extremely serious about this and whenever Sam complained he looked nervous.

When he didn’t get Sam’s reply, Dean just whispered, “Sleep tight, sweetheart.” He kissed Sam’s forehead and slipped out of the room.

The door finally closed with a click, and Sam couldn’t help covering his face with the blanket. He was so pissed that he couldn’t make his breath even, and he just wanted to growl and punch something, like Dean’s face, because Dean was such a dumbass and so fucking stupid. Sam wiped his forehead fiercely and didn’t realize his eye was moist until the scene in front of him was fuzzy. Suddenly, he was chocked by his helplessness.

It’s not because he was an Omega so he was vulnerable or something. It’s because his life sincerely and honestly was fucked up this time and Sam didn’t know what he could do to fix it. It’s because no matter how his life was messy and horrible before, he always had Dean by his side to support him with that cocky smile and brash attitude. _Where does that poop face come from? Come on, Sammy, don’t be such a pussy. It’s not that bad._ _See? Simple enough._ Even now, Sam could still hear his voice in his head and see Dean’s teasing wink.

But he was gone. _His brother was GONE_.

That person with Dean’s appearance and body was not his brother. He looked like Dean but Sam knew he wasn’t. He was just an Alpha who happened to be Sam’s mate and tried to be nice. He was just a passenger in their car and a resident living in their motel room. He was just a stranger, that’s all.

But what else could Sam say? Dean had suffered enough. Dean really tried his best, literally using his everything to please Sam and to make him happy. Sam had seen so many times through the curtain or half-opened door that Dean read a love story with a pen. These novels were for entertainment, but Dean read it as a guide book. Sam could see Dean tried to act like ‘the perfect Alpha’ writers (mostly Omega) imagined in these books, and when Sam didn’t respond to his role-playing, Dean would become pretty anxious, like he did something wrong again. Dean also borrowed tons of romantic movies and searched something like ‘How to make your Omega happy’ ‘What does an Omega want’ on the internet. Everyone could see how much effort Dean made for Sam.

When Sam complained about it, Dean just thought what he did wasn’t enough. He’s under so much pressure and sometimes Sam thought it’s worse than before. Dean was drained and depressed, and Sam could actually see the real him under that fake smile mask screaming: _Are you happy now? Am I doing the right thing? Do you forget the pain of abortion under the shower of my love?_

 _Do I become the Alpha you want to have and want to be with?_   

 _No, hell fucking no._ Right now, Sam just wanted to shout back and scream. He’d rather lose ten more babies just to have his brother back. He could give whatever he had or even he didn’t have to exchange his big brother. Because that’s Dean, and God he missed him. _He missed him so much._

Sam didn’t want much. He didn’t want a so-called Alpha to take care of him or to spoil him. He didn’t want a person who never refused his request no matter how ridiculous it sounded or showed his love no matter how cheesy it looked. He just wanted _Dean_. He wanted that person who never let him pick music or always made fun of him when he ordered salad. He wanted that laugh, that smile, that lingering touch, and that joke. He wanted Dean’s shiny eyes and dynamic behaviors. He wanted Dean to watch a movie with him on Friday night and say with that irritating smile. ‘ _No! Not a chance, Sammy. You’re too small to pick a movie. Let big brother help you._ ’

But Sam could never have those again. They just couldn’t come back. Never. 

Time passed by but Sam kept awake and moped. After realizing Dean wouldn’t come in and force him to get up, Sam finally slowly slid out of the bed and got dressed. He reluctantly opened the door and saw Dean quickly throw the love story he had read under the sofa. Sam was confronted with a fake big smile.

“Good morning!” Dean said with a high tone and got up, and Sam just turned his eyes away, “Did you sleep well? Dad said he will come back in three days. What do you want to do today? You don’t have to train if you don’t want to. Perhaps we could watch a movie in the local theater?”

Dad. Ah. Sam sat down without saying anything. Sam really wanted John to stay at home these days, because when dad was around Dean would automatically fall silent and leave Sam alone.

When Dean didn’t get a respond from Sam, he became worried. “Are you okay?” Dean said with a concerned look. _Here we go_ , “If you don’t feel good, you could tell me. I could register a doctor for you or something.”

“I’m good, thanks.” Sam mumbled and tried to find the remote control for the TV.

“Really? You don’t seem to be okay.” Dean said, using his hand to touch Sam’s head. When Sam flinched, Dean retracted his hand as fast as he could. “…..I’m sorry,” Dean apologized sheepishly, and Sam didn’t feel like answering it at all.

The silence filled the room with awkwardness and Sam just couldn’t find his fucking remote control. His hand was slightly trembling. “…..Do you want to talk?” Finally, Dean suggested. It’s so weird to hear that Dean wanted to _talk_ , “Like, I know Omegas sometimes will be in a bad mood without any specific reason, but-”

“Forget that FUCKING Omega thing!” Suddenly, Sam just exploded and shouted. How could Dean do this to him and say it was HIS OWN FAULT to have a bad mood? What’s wrong with his Omega instincts and why there were _so many_ stereotypes for Omegas? Sam threw the remote control he finally found to the wall and watched it crash.

Dean immediately retreated. “I’m sorry, babe. Don’t be mad. It’s not good for your health. I’m so sorry.” Dean became upset and right now Sam didn’t care what Dean felt about this.

“Stop talking like that and don’t call me ‘babe’!” Sam just growled and scolded, because he couldn’t take it anymore, because he just couldn’t.

Having a mate sucked and he and Dean would _never_ have a bright future. It’s been _months_ and Sam didn’t believe it anymore.

“Yes, okay, sorry.” Dean whispered and lowered his head. He didn’t talk back. He just stood here and took it, which made Sam even madder, “just……try breathing, okay? I know it’s hard for you to go through this-”

“You know nothing!” Sam snapped. In the corner his mind, he still hoped Dean would snap back. “You think this is because of my Omega instincts? No! It’s because _you_ never listened to me! I told you so many times! Don’t treat me like this! I’m not a child and not a fragile vase, and I’m completely not an Omega coming from a fucking _novel_! Please just act as a real person, please-”

Dean just stood here and listened to Sam’s outburst. His face was sad because he thought he did something wrong again. And Dean’s reaction made Sam feel like he was bullying Dean. If other people saw them right now, perhaps they would see a vicious spoiled Omega who accused and humiliated his weak and meek Alpha.

But what else could Sam do? No matter what he said, what he did, Dean just thought it’s his Omega instincts that made Sam behave like this, not Dean’s behavior. Nevertheless, Sam couldn’t just let Dean go. Dean was the most important person in Sam’s young life and they had accompanied each other since the first minute. Dean was a jerk, Sam knew, but Dean was a _pleasant_ jerk and Sam loved him. Sam couldn’t just watch Dean leaving him and let them gradually become total strangers. Only then did Sam realized how much Dean means to him, and losing Dean was just like losing his entire world.

Soon, he was overwhelmed. He didn’t know what to do, and _Dean never listened to him_. Dean just did what he thought was the best, just like he always did. All Sam could do was breath and shut up, because this was meaningless, and Sam was tired, really tired.

“…….I’m sorry.” Eventually, Sam said feebly. At least Dean tried; he didn’t deserve Sam’s censure.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for, Sammy,” Dean finally spoke. He walked towards Sam with a faint smile, stretching both of his arms, “That’s what I’m here for. I know how you’re feeling, dear. I know you’re hurt, so don’t be sorry, just talk to me and let it out. I’m your Alpha; you know you could tell me everything, right?”

Dean pulled Sam into a tight hug, and Sam just closed his eyes. He was so, so tired.

“It’s okay, I’m here. I’ll always be here for you. My angel, my precious Omega, I love you so much, so don’t let these negative thoughts hurt you. My dear, my sweetheart, my lovable Omega……”

Dean was mumbling all the nicknames he remembered to Sam, but he never said the word ‘brother’, not even once.

It’s right then Sam’s tear felt down, dripped onto Dean’s shirt, and changed into nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .....Well, not fluff at all. I thought it'll be at least a little bit in it. My bad :(  
>  In next update, Sam's second heat finally start. How could this influence the relationship between two brothers? We still have a long way to go....


End file.
